Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
