Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
