Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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