No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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