No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
