I hate all girls vehemently.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
there is glitter all over my balls
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