your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
