So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
