Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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