He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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