watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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