i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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