i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
