Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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