my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
