Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
