Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
