i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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