why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
