I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this just has baby written all over it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
