"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need to sanitize my soul.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
