the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
