I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
