In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
