forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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