I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
