first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
