porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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