he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
