He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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