her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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