it wasn't lemon gatorade
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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