My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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