Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
