i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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