All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
