he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
