So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
