I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
