brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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