I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
