I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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