This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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