my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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