Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
