You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
