so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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