I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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