Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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