I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
