please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
