hotel room ftw
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
