I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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