Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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