Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Less talking, more tequila
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
