FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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