These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So squirting runs in the family.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
